Monday, January 16, 2012

" Catch 22 "

 Two prominent American  roshei yeshiva, Harav Malkiel Kotler Shlit'a and Harav Elya Ber Wachtfogel Shlit'a were recently in Eretz Yisrael. While there, they  discussed several issues with gedolei yisroel. One particular issue was the so called Shidduch crisis and whether to enforce an age limit of 22 on yeshiva bochurim coming back from  learning in EY to Lakewood or other yeshivos. Currently most boys in the litvish circles on average get engaged at the age of  23 as they first go to EY at the age of 19-20. The effect it has on the Shidduch crisis  is the age gap. Since girls are entering shidduchim and getting engaged at the age of 18, add the population growth, and you have many more 18 year old's than 23 year old's.

However, even if the amount of boys and girls are equal in the same age bracket, the 23 year old boys are not all getting engaged to 23 year old girls. They are dating girls from the age of 18 and up resulting in many more single girls on the market. Recently many attempts, incentives and ideas came up on closing the gap. One idea was to have the girls start at 19. Noted speaker, Rabbi Paysach Krohn, has been advocating for boys to go out and date girls their own age or even a few years older than them, which would result in  bridging the gap.

 Having boys return from EY at an earlier age is another option to bridge the gap. It will force bochurim to start shidduchim at a younger age. It has not been implemented yet. Many questions remain as to the specifics. For example: what will happen if a bochur comes back at the age of 23, or will all this ever actually be implemented? Another issue is in regards to Pell grants. Students learning in Israel have recently been able to obtain the grant resulting in using it up much sooner, which would force yeshivos in America who are also using Pell grants to raise the tuition if students enroll with used up Pell grants. This idea  will obviously have an effect on the Israeli and American yeshivos, since the boys will not stay as long in EY or not go at all.

9 comments:

  1. Rav avrohom yehoshua Soleveitchik of brisk was quoted as saying that trying to fix the shidduch crisis is equivalent to fixing global warming. Dont know if he realy said it but the point is spot on.

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  2. They should worry about the gitten problem. There are a huge problem of gitten which I don't hear anybody addressing . To me it seems that people are holding back information which they know, but would ruin a shidduch if known, and the girls are to desperate and marry and then they realize the boy has many issues which are not compatible with marriage.

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  3. The Roshei yeshiva are bh busy with their respected yeshivos as awell as many other klall matters. You cant expect them to fix every problem out there . bh we have many org's to deal with other issues such as the NASI project which is helping singles with shidduchim.

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    1. I guess I'm coming at this from a different perspective, being a single girl in my 30's.

      First of all, I don't believe in the "age-gap" theory. There were no true scientific studies done; it is based on mostly anecodotal information and poor analogies ("say you have 150 girls and 100 boys on an island"), etc.

      I believe the problem is caused by the "at risk"/"otd" factor; if you think about it, that really started to become an issue in the early 90's. The shidduch crisis started to be talked about in the late 90's, which is when these boys were approaching their early 20's and had things been different would have been going on shidduchim and getting married.

      I do know of a few cases of formerly otd guys who came back and are now frum and married (quite happily, to openminded BY type of girls). If there would be more of those, that would change the picture entirely.

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    2. I agree with you in the main, but I don't think it has to do with at-risk or otd per se. A lot of people change hashkafically, and my suspicion is that it happens in greater number among young men than women. Take 100 boys and 100 girls. Let's say that 85 of the girls stay pious beis yaakov girls (10 stay frum in other ways and 5 leave altogether). Many shidduchim never happen because the 85 girls are still looking for their 85 pious yeshivish boy matches out of the original 100, but only 60 are still yeshivish, not 85. Since they'd never consider the 25 who aren't (assuming, let's say, that 15 are not frum anymore altogether) there is still a huge imbalance.

      The answer my friends, is that yeshivish girls should not count on their being a *yeshivish* guy left for them and might want to start rethinking how important a hat is.

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  4. anon 6:03 pm

    Its an interesting observation but there are no statistics to back up your theory. while there are unfortunatley kids who went off the derech it was not just boys but girls too lo aleinu.As bad as it is the number of boys at risk is notenough to cause a crisis.

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    1. No, there are no statistics because nobody's done a formal study. This is based on my own observations. My own two brothers (in their early to mid 30's) while never fully OTD have definitely gone on a different path from the way they were raised and so I've seen/heard a lot based on their experiences and their friends'. Yes, now it is probably a more equal ratio of girls/boys, but way back in the early/mid 90's it was much more heavily tipped towards boys going off--which was what first started to narrow the pool of boys and it's only gotten more so since then.

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    2. The statistics are for evry 100 8th graders there are 200 first graders in Lakewood and in Monroe.Therefore there is 10% baby population increase.Lets take a Kain Yirbu number of 1000 boys and 1000 girls are born this year so 1100 each are born next year and 1200 each are born in two years from now and 1500 boys and 1500 girls are born in 5 years from now. In Monroe in 18 years from now 1000 18 year old will mary 1000 18 year old.In 19 years from now 1100 18 year old will mary 1100 18 yr.old.In 23 yrs.from now 1500 18 yr old will mary 1500 18 yr.old.(AAA will mary AAA,AA to AA,A to A,B to B,etc.)Now shift to Lakewood with the same Kain Yirbu numbers.In 18 yrs from now the 1000 girls will be in shiduchim and hopfully get married.The 1000 boys will only be in shiduchim in 23 yrs.from now.In 23 yrs from now there are 1500 18 year old girls for the 1000 boys.So evry 100 boys have 150 girls to choose from.So evry 23 yr. old boy has 51 choices one he will mary and the other 50 stay behind.Given 51 choices he will most probably get the closest to AAA (A1=mega bucks,A2=beuty,A3= best size)THIS IS AND WAS THE ONLY PROBLEM.The only solution is to keep the code of Jewish Law that clearly states that a boy must start shiduchim at a younger age.100 yrs. ago men were allowed to start shiduchim later because they had to go to the army,and make a living.Today between parents,wife working,and programs evryone that wants to learn after the chasunah is able to.We have no right to continue this concept of starting shiduchim at 23.If we would keep the code of Jewish Law of starting shiduchim earlier the shiduch crises will be over.

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