Goodbye shul candy man!

repost!
 The long standing minhag of the shul candy man will be replaced by the carrot man. The abolishment of the shul candy man is long overdue. According to the American association of dentures candy eating for children, toddlers and infants is unhealthy, gives them cavities and makes them hyper in shul. Its time for the establishment of a carrot man who will be dispensing healthy snacks to the children coming to shul    (baby food for infants available upon request).

 A shocking reality may be as the transition of the candy man and the new carrot man takes place. The youngsters in shul may discontinue to approach the carrot man in protest of the sudden change, which can then lead them to talk about their machoh during chazoras hashatz or even the Rabbi's speech. However shuls move on to the next stage, the new era, the intended level of handing out the pure healthy carrots.

And may I add, I believe that by slicing the carrots width wise as apposed to lengthwise we will be keeping the tradition of distributing circular discs only not the lolly pop ones but the all new carrot ones not the baby carrots either and eventually we will have the luxury to continue onto bananas ,cucumbers for the more spoiled of the approachers.

May I just add one last but not least comment, & that is that according to the department of health rule 292 of 1934 all carrots and the likes must be distributed by an individual wearing latex gloves, therefore in choosing a new carrot man, the main aspect should be weather he fits into these gloves properly and knows how, where and when to dispose them.

Another main point that can't go unnoticed is the fact that the bekishe, rekel, jacket, frock,  vest, shirt, pants, socks, hat, tefillin bag, Tallis bag, (or shall I say Carrot bag) that will carry the items of vegetable life in its pocket must be lined with no less than 2 layers of aluminum foil to preserve freshness.

P.S. carrots that are left in shul for more that 30 days will be hefker for the vaad to meet with another mispallel serving jury duty to decide where those carrots will go.

Weather or not the carrots will be pealed shall be discussed in the kiddush chapter of the meeting, as this aspect includes guidelines for a simcha as well.
Ah Freilichen Purim :)
(Reader Submitted)