Monday, January 14, 2013

Closing the Age gap on Shidduchim goes back to Kindergarten

At a recent symposium regarding the shidduch crisis one of the speakers rabbi Pagrow of the NASI project spoke about the age gap issue in shidduchim which he believes is the main reason why we have a crisis. Progress has been made with a great awareness in the community regarding the age gap. With this awareness we have created a different mindset as boys are willing to consider going out with girls their own age or even slightly older. They now redd these shidduchim and bochurim are looking now for girls with a little experience under their belt, not just for girls that are coming back from seminary.

A recent study of 300 dates yielded shocking data. The average year of girls getting their first date is  21 while the boys age starting out was closer to 24. That's a great differential as the average of girls is 21 and the boys 24. This status quo has to change and we must remove the artificial obstacles that have boys dating starting at age 24. All we can ask for, is to push back the boys to age 22-23 even six months will determine the future of thousands of our daughters. Shadchanim give of them selves and get no appreciation for their time and effort. Community's have responded and over 1200 dates have been set up. These programs are providing much more shidduch opportunities for the singles especially of the older girls and those who did not just return from seminary.
  Some of the solutions discussed were;

1. Having boys return a zman earlier from learning in Eretz yisrael or have them Go to EY at a younger age thus they will return earlier.
2. Creating incentives and programs for shadchanim to redd shidduchim to older girls which many communities have implemented B'H over 1200 of these dates have been set up.

While these solutions are short term there was mention of revamping the entire educational system starting from Kindergarten. The idea is to have girls entering kindergarten a year later than boys therefore eventually closing the gap as girls will be closer to 20 when finishing Sem which will bridge the gap between the girls and boys.

He ended with a passionate plea " we need ideas to lower the starting age of our boys to 22 or even 6 months. There are many ideas that we as a community must come together. This past summer we had 90,000 people at the siyum hashas. Same with the response to Hurricane Sandy. We are able to help! and leave no stone unturned we area  community that is capable of doing something. Our sense of responsibilities to each other is that no young women should ever need to consider the possibility of her not having a home to call her own.


  1. This should not be about mathematics. This is about the boys being mature enough to get married and build a solid home with a solid relationship. If you are not careful,you might close the gap on shidduchim, and end up opening up a whole new front on young divorcees.

  2. How very interesting. Age is the evil. How about the guys I spoke to this week, they pose no threat to the shidduch system. Guy 1 - over 30, will not date girls not in their 20s, because anyone over isn't adept enough at text messaging. I was sure he was joking, alas, he was dead serious. Guy 2, early 40s, dated a girl he liked, couldn't deal with her pro Obama views. This isn't even mentioning all the guys I know near or over 40 who refuse to consider any girls over 28-31. Then when they go out with the girls that meet their desired criteria, they cannot commit. We most certainly have a crisis however,age is NOT the problem. On that note, anyone have a shidduch for me? The guys think it's all a game, they aren't serious about marriage.

    1. Hopwfully you find your man soon IYH.. anyway to contact you or for your contact info?

    2. To contact The Bachelorette please email us @

  3. as soon as a rosh yeshiva will let his son marry an older woman / daughter marry a younger man, we can talk. till then, this is all speculation.

    of course, the real solution is dating without a shadchan, where the couple have to really explore compatability, each other, maturity, etc.

    1. "of course, the real solution is dating without a shadchan, where the couple have to really explore compatability, each other, maturity, etc."

      You see,first you ignore the numbers and then you shoot a highly flawed plateau from your hip.

      Question: Do communities that do not date with a shadchan have huge numbers and percentages of older singles?
      Answer: Yes
      Conclusion: Dating without a shadchan is obviously not the solution. Otherwise, those communities that date without shadchanim wouldn't have their thousands and thousands of older singles.

      The matchmaker/middleman system has worked really well.

      A friend, acquaintance and "non-professional" shaddchanim do the best and most wholesome job.

  4. I'd think this blog was a joke if not for its terrible grammar. Because even joke-bloggers know how to use the "Shift" key.

    Until you learn how to capitalize and spell - at the very least! - I find it impossible to take anything you say seriously. And that's aside from the fact that your math and logic are ridiculous.

    1. Thanks for your compliments, Its a working process. We focus more on the content though.

    2. To the female who is not certain whether she is Frum:

      You claim not to take this blog seriously. So, why is it you felt the need to comment? Hmm.

      And then you go on to claim "your math and logic are ridiculous."

      Wait a second madam. Can you kindly qualify your statement. Can you logically and coherently refute the bloggers math and logic?

      If you can, please do. I await your comment.

      One thing though. Trying to assassinate the bloggers character does not score you any points in the argument. In fact, it makes it seem as if you do not have a coherent, clear and proper argument.